Written by: Mandi Mitchell
If anything, motherhood has taught me that you don’t need fun to have alcohol.
Every day around 3:00 pm I start to go downhill. This is the time of day when I ask myself “Am I in hell?” This is the time of day when I start to pray that bedtime to comes quickly. This is the time of day that I start to feel the need for a glass or two of Moscato (or the whole bottle, it depends really, on the hell that has ensued from my commitment to my children).
It’s summer so my schedule isn’t the worst but every day it’s the same. Wake up, get the kids washed, wash the baby, dress everyone except myself. Make breakfast and get bottles ready (no not Jack Daniel’s unfortunately) and then it’s time for laundry, the chore that never ends. After that, it’s dishes and sweeping and cleaning and then hey! it’s lunch time so my ass needs to get back in the kitchen to cook again. Let’s not forget errands and bills.
Let me put it this way as to not bore you, the life of a stay at home mom can best be compared to Groundhog’s Day – you know, that 80’s movie with Bill Fucking Murray. The movie where he’s doomed to repeat the same day over and over again. The mundane tasks all day every day really gets to you. This is barely a reason for the 2 o’clock itch for some fermented grape juice but it’s enough that it made the list.
Let’s move on to the good stuff; fighting. It’s bad enough that I have to pick up after everyone, feed everyone, and wipe everyone’s ass all the live long day but I think my boys feel they’re supposed to throw in some extra aggravation to make things more interesting for me.
Having two boys so close in age isn’t such a bad thing except for the fact that they’re always together so, getting on each other’s nerves comes quite quickly. I can’t blame them, if I had to share all my stuff every day with the same person who refers to me as smelly fart breath, I wouldn’t be thrilled either. Regardless, it takes about an hour to get them separated and all for nothing because 15 minutes later WWIII breaks out; AGAIN. This right here, this is the number one reason for the Vino.
Another lovely little part of the day is all the messes. You just cleaned ma? Sorry, you’re going to have to do it all over again. If it was a real thing, I could list ‘professional at picking up throw pillows’ and ‘perfected doing laundry all day and never reaching the bottom of the hamper’ to my resume. Cleaning the house when you have kids is like brushing your teeth while eating Oreos – completely pointless.
So yea, at the mid-day mark I feel like I need a glass of wine. I damn well know that I’m not the only mother who feels this way. And the fact that we need a drink of Pinot at the end of the day doesn’t mean we have a drinking problem, it’s simply the fact that we have kids. I’m not drinking to the point where I become drunk nor am I running through the streets streaking so, I think I’m just fine. Sometimes you just need a drink and not just for your own sake but for the people you live with. If someone took away my precious glass of wine with dinner I might turn into a momster.
Call it a drinking problem, call it a coping mechanism, call it a crutch, whatever the hell you want to call it but me, I call it my drug-free prescription for dealing with kids. Don’t feel bad for needing a glass of wine every now and then! A glass of wine at the end of a stressful day is better than having to come up with bail because you choked your husband.