Can You Trust if You Can’t Forgive?

September 13th, 2016 | Caitlin Santomauro

Betrayal is defined as the violation of a person’s trust. In any relationship, whether it be a relationship with family members or an intimate relationship with a significant other, trust is the key factor that holds all relationships together, and once this trust is broken due to betrayal, is it very hard to be able to get that trust back again.

People always seem to ask the question “can you ever truly trust again after being hurt by betrayal?

It is extremely hard to be able to forgive after being betrayed, especially if you are betrayed by someone you love, but just because something is hard, it does not make it impossible.

To be able to trust again is to forgive. And to be able to trust the person who betrayed you means to forgive them completely. We are all just human, and humans make mistakes. Some people deserve to be forgiven if they try to change. Everyone has the ability to change, however, not everyone has the willingness to change.


However, you can forgive someone without giving that actual person your trust again. To trust again after being betrayed, doesn’t always mean trusting the person who actually betrayed you, to begin with. Some people are hurt by betrayal once and then feel they can never trust again. But, why let one person’s mistake dictate how you feel towards every person you meet for the rest of your life?

Find it in yourself to have the strength in your heart to accept that person’s wrongdoing and forgive them, even if they don’t ask for your forgiveness because forgiving that person is not for them, it is for you. Forgiving the person who betrayed you is giving yourself the chance to live and love openly again, to trust people without the fear of being betrayed again.

I have been on both sides of betrayal. I have been betrayed and I have betrayed. It took me a few years to learn that the key to being able to trust again is all about forgiving. Once you can truly forgive, you can truly move on. And then you can truly trust again.


I am a very forgiving person, which isn’t always the best thing, especially because I’m usually very forgiving when it comes to men. However, the whole concept of true forgiveness wasn’t something I was ever good at. I used to “forgive” but then hold a grudge over the other person’s head for a long time. The problem is, this is not truly forgiving someone. Truly forgiving someone is to forgive and to move on, which doesn’t mean to forget, but it does mean that you leave the past behind you.

I just recently learned how to do this. It was not easy. It takes real practice learning how to truly forgive and to trust again. But remember, it all begins with being able to forgive yourself first. Forgiving yourself allows you to open your heart again, it allows you to forgive others and to allow yourself to truly trust again, even after being betrayed.


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